I've been on a few dates in my time. Probably more than the average person. Yet after you read about my date with fellow blogger Fishy, you could well wonder whether I've ever been on any. It all started fine, albeit early. Alarm went off at 7am. Pressed 'Snooze' while cursing my bright idea of going to Belfast. Who has to get up at Ridiculous O'Clock to go on a first date?
Once I'm in the shower though, I feel excited. Like I'm going on holiday or something. I suppose I am. Sort of. Just a weird sort of holiday that only lasts a day. And I'm going with a stranger. But still.
Get dressed in pre-arranged outfit. Give myself an imaginary 'high five' for choosing a day-date. No need to worry about whether to wear heels and run the risk of looking over-dressed. Casual all the way. I've opted for jeans and boots and a grey jumper (it's off the shoulder though in case I want to look a bit sultry.)
Dither over jewellery. I like weird stuff. Should I tone it down? Decide to be the real me. Wear my current favourite earrings - a miniature knife and fork. My friend's 3 year old daughter Summer told me they were horrible and asked why I'd want to wear a knife and fork in my head. I'm sure Fishy will like them though. Particularly if I tell him I made them myself for little over a £1.
Do my face and hair. Decide that my eyebrowist has got a bit over-excited in my last threading session. She's made me look a bit surprised. Put on my make-up. Subtly. Wish I could say the same about my hair. Feel that I've got a bit carried away with products.
Get my stuff together. Purse...check! Passport...check! (Decide I looooove saying 'Passport - check!' Particularly when going on a date.) New tube of Lucky Lipgloss - Check!
Oh yes, my Lucky Lipgloss. Fishy can keep all his elaborate techniques to get a snog. I have a secret weapon. Not only does this lipgloss plump up your lips and smell lush, it also never fails to get me a kiss. Never fails. Never.
Am just congratulating myself on my light 'packing' then something weird happens and I seem to think I'm actually going to the Antarctic on a date. I put in a scarf, a hat, gloves and a cardigan. My bag suddenly looks huuuuge. Worry that Fishy's going to think I'm hoping to move in with him.
Make my way to the bus station. Am really, really nervous. What is wrong with me? Might be all the texts from friends wishing me luck. Never before has a love story generated so much interest. Feel like 'Brangelina'. Decide I'll reply to them all when Fishy goes on one of his long toilet breaks.
Have been a bit over-eager and arrive at the station early. Have a mooch around the shop. Flick through magazines. Am paying for some sweets when a man comes into the shop singing 'Old MacDonald Had a Farm'.
The shop assistant isn't amused. Tells me she wish he would 'Piss off.' She needs to take a leaf out of my 'Good Mood Book.'
As I leave the man starts talking to a packet of Jacobs. Tells them that he is the same as them, crackers.
Have a sweet. For reasons unbeknown to myself, I've bought Werther's Originals. It's 8:30 am for God's sake! There should really be a law against that. If only to stop people like me committing a dating faux pas - they really stick to your teeth.
I struggle to prise open my mouth when my friend calls to ask how I am. Tell her I'm nervous. She says nervous is good. I believe her, even though I don't really know what she means.
Bus to Liverpool arrives. I struggle to find my purse amidst all the guff in my bag. Bus driver tells me I'm like a typical woman with my big handbag. Curse myself for being a cliche.
Get to the airport and head straight to the ladies to sort myself out. Give myself a pep talk. Not out loud. Don't want to be like Mr Jacob's Crackers. Apply my Lucky Lipgloss and I'm good to go.
Wait at the pre-arranged spot and I realise my nerves have gone. I'm just feeling excited. Maybe cause I'm in an airport. I like airports a lot.
Then finally...after all the days of phoning, texting and blogging, Fishy appears in front of me.
Finally we meet.
Finally he's here and uttering the words every girl wants to hear...
'I'm not going to kiss you by the way.'
Eh? But what about my 'Never Fail Lucky Lipgloss'? Am I hearing right?
It's clearly faulty. I decide never to buy from eBay again.
