Monday, 24 May 2010

27 Luke No Further

Now where were we, before we were rudely interrupted by some ignoramus?

Ah yes, I was telling you about the infamous BNO (Bloggers' Night Out) and how, for some unknown reason, I had thought it a good idea to give my phone number to a barman, otherwise known as Luscious Luke.

You may be thinking that it doesn't sound like such a terrible idea. Fact is though, he hadn't actually asked for my number, or even suggested that he might want it. Unless you believe that by telling me I had a bad attitude, he might be doing it subliminally?

Anyway what's done is done. There was no changing it. I just hoped, as we settled ourselves at a table in the next bar, that everyone would forget about it.

And I think we all did. At least for the fifteen minutes that passed before my phone beeped to indicate I'd received a text. At that point we all squealed. Like girls.

'Open it! What has he said?'

I did so. Praying that it wasn't actually a text from my mum. And wondering if I should pretend it was from Luscious Luke anyway if it was.

There was no need though, as there in my inbox was a message from an unknown number.

For some attitude?x

You would have thought by our reactions that we'd just heard about a shop giving away free shoes. Or that they'd discovered a cure for menstruating or something. My fellow bloggers were as excited as I was!

Result! Luscious Luke had texted me. And put a kiss! I was soooo in there.

We all set to work on a reply and eventually decided on, I will bring the attitude, if you bring the cocktails...

Okay, we'd had no male input and as there was only one attached person in our group of five, you wouldn't say we were exactly qualified in matters of lurve, but we were pretty proud of that text regardless. We reckoned that it was flirty, hinted at a date and we thought that the fact I hadn't put a kiss would keep him on his toes.

It wasn't long before the reply came through.

What's your name mystery Scottish woman?x

Hmmm he hadn't taken the date bait but it wasn't bad. And he'd put a kiss again.

I replied telling him it could be whatever he wanted it to be. Nah of course I didn't text that! I'd told him to guess and asked him his (even though I already knew it was Luke, Luscious Luke to me.) And so it went on.

All too soon it was the end of our BNO. We bade each other farewell, vowed to do it again and I promised to keep them up to date with the future installments of the LL saga.

Twas the very next day that there was a further development when I received the following text from my friendly barman.

Don't want to string you along, I have a girlfriend, just thought you were lovely x

I don't mind telling you that I cried when that message came through. I cried with frustration about yet another guy being attached and I wondered when I'll ever meet someone that isn't.

What I do mind though, is if you believed that statement above. Of course I didn't flipping cry!!! I don't even know the guy. How can I be upset about someone that I don't know from Adam? I was actually quite pleased to get that text. Pleased that he'd told me before I invested any time, and of course pleased about the compliment.

(Please see example above, Mr Lekker and any other attached men. Note that most of us females like our men single, and the sooner we find out that you aren't, the better. Before the first kiss is preferable. We can be weird that way.)

I replied to him thanking him for telling me. There were another few texts between us. General chit-chat about how long we'd both been in Manchester yadda yadda.

He asked me how old I was. I told him to guess. He replied 22,23. I agreed that I was thereabouts (give or take 11 or 12 years.)

I asked how old he was. He replied that he was 24. I laughed.

I asked if he had an older, single, brother. He doesn't.

And that was pretty much the end of that.

The verdict: It maybe didn't have the desired result, but now I know that he's a mere baby, 10 years my junior, I'm not sure that the desired result would have been the desired result anyway, if you get my drift?

Plus it gave all us girls a laugh, as well as giving me an ego boost. Also, I'd asked him his opinion on my technique, whether he thought that giving him my number was too forward. He replied that it wasn't, as he 'probably would have bottled' asking for mine anyway. So you see sometimes us girls have to make the first move.

So all in all, I have no regrets. In fact I reckoned I'd even do it again.

And whaddya know, the opportunity came up just a week later...

Tuesday, 18 May 2010

12 Blooming Marvelous

It isn't always easy telling someone that the relationship is over.

Even more so when you aren't even in the damn relationship in the first place!

I'd received an email t'other day. It started 'Hi Rapunzel, I'm not a nutter by the way...' I probably should have stopped reading at this point, because everyone knows that the ones that say they aren't weird, are the weirdest ones.

I continued though. It was from a guy telling me that he likes my blog, blah blah, thought I seemed nice, and was wondering if I would like to go out for a drink sometime.

That doesn't sound too bad does it? What about the next bit though, when he carried on to explain that he'd been dating one of my fellow bloggers?

A fellow blogger that had been on the BNO. A fellow blogger that has become a friend. A fellow blogger that in actual fact I thought he was still an item with, as I hadn't heard anything to the contrary.

Strange.

They'd obviously split up though. He wouldn't be mailing me otherwise would he?

It was still a bit weird though. For starters he doesn't actually know my current situation, seeing as I haven't continued with the Luscious Luke story. He might actually be cutting Luke's grass by messaging me.

Plus, wasn't it a bit soon for him to be pursuing me? It was only the other week I was reading about one of his dates with Tuppence over on her blog. Surely there is some Bloggers' Code that disallows this kind of thing? Or was it within the rules as long as Tuppence came along on the date and did some kind of handover?

I mentioned it to Tuppence a few days later. Mainly because I was curious to find out what had happened between them. I also asked if she knew he'd emailed me.

She didn't. In fact she also wasn't aware that they weren't actually seeing each other anymore.

I had unwittingly become the bearer of bad news.

How shit did I feel? Plus Tuppence was having a horrible day as it was, and my mail made things worse. I cursed myself for my bad timing.

I tried to remind myself that I wouldn't have had anything bad to tell her in the first place, if it wasn't for Mr Couldn't Give A Shit About Anyone's Feelings, but it didn't help. I went to bed feeling annoyed that he'd got me involved in something that had absolutely nothing to do with me. Arse.

When I woke up this morning to the radio presenter wishing everyone a good day, I felt a lot more positive though. Yep, it was a brand new day and there was no reason why it couldn't be a tremendous one. I left the apartment feeling pretty perky.

And was almost run over by a guy on a bike! Who then had the cheek to shoot me the dirtiest look ever as if it was my fault. How on earth could it be? I was on the flipping pavement!

Feeling a bit shaken I made my way to the bus stop. I proceeded to try and distract myself from my near death experience, by sussing out some of the features on my new phone.

I was so engrossed that I didn't notice the bus heading towards me...

...and driving right past me.

I cursed my stupidity. I was going to have to wait another 15 minutes for the next one.

Actually make that 25 minutes, because the bloody bus was late. I wasn't impressed.

Then when I got on it, the only seat that was free was next to a guy that seemed to think we all wanted to hear the pumping music he was playing on his iPod.

Seriously what is with these people? It's my pet hate. The headphones are there for a reason. I would have told him to turn it down, but the way my day was going I'd thought I'd probably end up getting lynched. I just sat gritting my teeth instead.

Finally the bus reached my stop. I'd made it!

Or not. Seems the bus driver forgot there was a stop there today and drove right past it, stopping instead at the next one an extra five minutes' walk away from work.

As I trekked the miles and miles to work I did my very best to start thinking positively. Just because the day had started badly didn't mean it was going to continue like that.

It was too late though, my ratty head was on and it was refusing to budge. The day carried on with me being irritated by everything and anything.

It was annoying me that I was having to sit inside, while it was a beautiful day outside.

As was the fact that I'd forgotten my phone charger and hardly had any battery.

The noise my watch makes was also driving me insane. Okay, I've worn it every day since I bought it from a looky looky man in Gran Canaria the other month, but today the 'tick, tick, tick' was making me contemplate chucking it out the window.

The fact the watch is made by Dimpex was also getting on my nerves as it reminds me of Tampax and I wasn't happy that thoughts of feminine hygiene products and periods were popping into my head every time I checked to see how much longer of this godforsaken day I had to endure.

Nothing was too big or too small to piss me off.

Hell, it even bugged me when I saw a woman wearing a red cardigan that didn't go in the slightest with her pink blouse. I cursed her for hurting my eyes.

Things did seem on the up though when I went to buy a bottle of water and the guy serving me told me he liked the purple in my hair.

Until he added 'You need your roots done mind you, but I still like it.'

Home time couldn't come quick enough.

I don't think I've ever been so pleased to see the Tower looming above me. I'd made plans to park myself in front of the TV watching programmes about other people's misery.

But wait, what was this?

There in my mailbox was a note saying I'd had a delivery of flowers.

Ohmigod! Who had sent me flowers?! How exciting! And what a surprise!

Suddenly the day didn't seem so bad.

Except turns out there had been a bit of a mix-up and the note about the flowers had been put in the wrong mail box. Someone had received some flowers, just not me.

I'm just glad it is only a few hours until Tomorrow.

Wednesday, 12 May 2010

28 Flirtini

Give me a B!
Beeeeee!

Give me an N!
Ennnnnnnnn!

Give me an O!
Ohhhhhhhh!

And what have you got?
The Bloggers' Night Out!

Yes, it finally happened. The night we had been talking about for weeks. The night when five strangers were meeting. The night when we were going to see whether Kate, Tuppence, Gingerella, Helen and myself would get on.

Sure we all had blogging in common, and we'd discovered that we are all fond of a cocktail or two, but would that be enough?

Well, you'll be happy to know that it was. It was slightly like being on a bizarre blind date. A group blind date at that. But a good group blind date.

Perhaps that was down to the fact that there were no awkward silences. We may not have met before but we already knew a hell of a lot about each other. I mean I know some things about those girls that I don't even know about some of my oldest friends. Especially that Tuppence one. She has a private blog that you need a password to read. She writes some things on there that would make you blush!

Anyway everything had been going swimmingly. We'd first met in a bar, drank some wine and all gave a little spiel about ourselves.

'Hi I'm Rapunzel. I live in that tower you can see. I'm 33. I like men with big noses. I don't like mushrooms. I once served Cliff Richard while wearing a sari.'

Just the usual stuff like that.

We then moved on to the noodle bar Tampopo to line our stomachs with food, before heading for cocktails as planned.

Gingerella and I went to the bar and waited patiently while the very attractive barman made drinks for the people in front of us. It was just like seeing Tom Cruise in Cocktail. Except he didn't throw anything in the air and it took him flipping aaaages to make the drinks.

He also didn't give as good service as Tom. Unless I missed the bit in the film where Tom told one of his customers that she had a bad attitude, which is exactly what this barman Wannabe Tom was telling me.

He also said something about me having a moany face, rubbish accent and asked Gingerella how she puts up with me (she didn't tell him that she actually didn't know me before that night and instead said I was really nice. Bless!)

I wouldn't have minded so much except I'd barely opened my mouth. I was about to argue with him but when he gave me my drink and said it was on him, I decided to forgive him.

We eventually rejoined the others and continued with our night. Chat, chat, chat.

I can only imagine that at some point there was a lull in the conversation or something though. An awkward silence that needed filling, because there was surely some reason for me suddenly asking the girls whether I should give the barman my phone number.

'Don't be ridiculous Rapunzel. That's a rubbish idea. What part of him slagging you off made you think he actually wants your digits?'

Is what they should have said to me. What they actually said though was..

'Yeah great idea! We'll get you a pen!'

So we were all sorted. I had the note prepared with my number on it and the message 'Call this number for attitude' (smooth I know!) All I had to do was hand it to him, which I was going to do as we were leaving. Easy peasy.

No, not so easy peasy. As we headed out past the bar and I saw the throng of people waiting to be served that I'd have to push though, I lost my nerve.

'I can't do it,' I said to Kate.

'Sure you can.'

I couldn't. I started to make my way out the bar. She stopped me and gave me a pep talk (what a good friend) causing a couple of guys near us to ask what we were talking about. So she told them (hmmm not such a good friend!) and one of them claimed that he knew the very barman we were talking about.

'Luke, Luke,' he shouted across the crowd. Luscious Luke eh? 'She wants you,' he said pointing at me.

Suddenly I felt like I was back at school when Sadie Cook asked Bobby Walker if he'd noticed that I'd started wearing a bra.

I felt mortified. What should I do?

Well,what I did do was decide that I couldn't feel any more embarrassed than I already did. I went up to Luscious Luke, handed him my number, told him it was his tip and then exited the bar while the girls cheered.

I felt brilliant! I felt empowered! I felt invincible!

For about..ooh...two minutes. Right up until I realised what a stupid idea that had been. What had possessed me?

I mean I might never hear from Luscious Luke for various reasons, including...

1/ He may be gay
2/ He may have a girlfriend
3/ He may not like me (I'd suggested to him that he was only giving me abuse because he fancied me and he hadn't actually confirmed my theory)

All good, valid reasons and if I never heard from him I would just pick one to explain why I hadn't (probably number 1).

That would be fine if I was the only one that knew I'd handed out my damn number willy nilly in the first place.

That wasn't the case though. No, in this case there were four other girls that knew. Four other blogging girls. Four blogging girls with lots of readers.

Was I no longer going to be known as the girl that was brave enough to go out with Fishy? Instead would I become the girl that embarrassed herself on the BNO......?