Oprah: Thanks for joining us today Rapunzel and for coming to share your story about how your life has changed...Rapunzel: That's right Oprah. I used to be just your normal, average, typical girl...a bit like yourself...and then one day something happened that made me the dating expert that I'm known as today.
Oprah: That's incredible! Please tell us what happened...
Rapunzel: Well, I was plodding along, going on various dates, as you do. Some were good and some weren't. Then one day I was introduced to The Rules...
Oprah: Ah. You followed them and that's what made you an expert?
Rapunzel: Actually no. Admittedly some of The Rules are great. Like the one that says that prior to going on a date girls should stand in front of the mirror and tell ourselves that we are enough. In fact try it now Oprah...
Oprah: I am enough!
Rapunzel: I bet you feel great after doing that don't you?
Oprah: I do! I actually feel like I am enough. How amazing!
Rapunzel: There's another fabulous rule about combing your hair off your face in a slow, sweeping motion. If you manage to pull that rule off you end up with your date eating out of your hand. Some of The Rules aren't so good though...
Oprah: Like what?
Rapunzel: Well there is one that advises you not to wear clogs. And do you know why I know that isn't a good rule?
Oprah: Why?
Rapunzel: Because one of the regular commenters on my blog, Glen advised me that it wasn't. He seemingly has a real penchant for clogs and didn't enjoy his trip to the red light district in Amsterdam because of the lack of wooden shoe wearing ladies. It was just an innocent comment Oprah but it made me think...
Oprah: About clogs?
Rapunzel: No about the fact that my readers are all so wise and knowledgeable. They are also all from different countries, different backgrounds and are of different ages. I realised that by asking for their opinions on a romance I was having, I could combine all their thoughts and thus become an expert on matters of the heart. I'm a bit like a walking dating encyclopedia!
Oprah: That's wonderful Rapunzel! So you now know everything that there is to know about dating. Can you give us any tips?
Rapunzel: Of course! Firstly you must forget the idea that you shouldn't lie to a potential partner. That's a myth. At least it is when it comes to talking about your job. Me and my network of experts actually encourage that you do stretch the truth. You are an accountant? Say you are an Eskimo relocation officer. A nurse? No you are a cheese holer or a dolphin trainer. Let your imagination run riot.
Oprah: That sounds great! Anything else?
Rapunzel: Yes. You know when a guy doesn't kiss you at the end of a first date and you wonder why? I can tell you why. It could be because he has a rule not to kiss on the first date. He may not like you. He may like you too much. He may be gay. He may be shy. He may have bad-manners. He may have a mum or wife that has told them they have to be home by 11, and they have run out of time.
Oprah: Gosh! Yes, you are right. Thanks for clearing that up. I'm sure that has been helpful for many viewers. Anything else that you can help with? Like what do you recommend to do if a guy asks you out, you stress to him that you are really busy but give him a couple of days as options. He opts for one but says that he will confirm in 'bags of time' and then tells you days later that it is going to have to be the following evening because you are having to fit around Boys' Night?
Rapunzel: I'm glad you asked that Oprah because it is a common dilemma. What I advise is that you don't text anything in reply that night, because you are far too busy having a lovely time drinking cocktails with your friend the Goddess, but that the next morning you send the following....
Hey sorry I wasn't able to reply last night. Would have been good to see you before I go, was looking forward to it but I've made plans now. Next time you'll have to book ahead to avoid disappointment..! x
Oprah: I hear ya sister! I look forward to having you on the show again soon with more wonderful advice from you and your readers.
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Ok, ok you might not all have agreed that was the best thing to reply to Hands. Some of you didn't think there was an issue in the first place. I was really annoyed with him though. And despite the fact that it was my only chance to see him before working away, and knowing that it was unlikely that I'd see him when I got back, I replied to him as detailed above.
And that was that.
The End.
Except it wasn't! The next day I received the following...
Bit random but wondered if you fancied an Alton Towers trip when you get back? Let me know if you do and I'll take a day off work (just don't ever tell the boys I've done that!) x
Talk about turning a corner! I reckon we'd come round the bend so fast we'd left skid marks!
Of course I was well up for this, so six weeks after our first date, Hands and I had date number two at a theme park...
