25 Tales of a Real Life Romance - Chapter 10

Now where were we?

Ah yes. I was on a date with Hands at Alton Towers and had a moany face on me.

I know 'moany face' and 'Alton Towers' shouldn't really be in the same sentence. After all it's not like I'm a child whose mum had refused her an ice-cream. As I explained though, I wasn't feeling my best and it had taken so long for Hands and I to actually go out on date two (six weeks to be precise) that it all seemed very unfair.

There was also something else that was bothering me that I didn't tell you about....

Well in actual fact I did tell you about it, I just didn't elaborate on it. It was in this line... 'He gave me his stuff to hold, kissed me and off he went.'

You know what I'm going on about now don't you? Yep exactly. I was unhappy about the kissing part. Not that he kissed me of course. It's always nice to be kissed. My issue was more with the kind of kiss it was.

You see, you never know when your last, first kiss is going to be. Call me an old romantic, but I'd like to remember mine, so the first kiss with a new guy is really important. As you know I was all geared up for it to happen at the end of date one, but Hands decided not to partake. Fine. What was not fine though, was that he'd opted to go for it while I was playing the 'Tonight Matthew, I'm going to be Miss Stroppy Pants' game.

And as first kisses go it wasn't even that good. A bit half-hearted really. It was definitely more than a peck. I mean it wouldn't have been appropriate to kiss, say a family member, like that. Unless you are Angelina Jolie and her brother of course. But it wasn't the kind of kiss that you'd expect from someone that had taken the day off work to take you to Alton Towers. It appeared that Hands wasn't so keen on ill Rapunzel.

Hands finished riding Rita and came to get me telling me how amazing she was. That's all I wanted to hear - about the fabulousness of some other female. He went off on another ride while I stood around some more. The day really wasn't going as I'd imagined.

When he came to meet me off that ride though he said he'd been on it as an experiment. He thought it might be an ok one for me to attempt and now he'd been on it he reckoned that it definitely was.

I was quite touched, but still wasn't sure. I ummed and I ahhed. And I ummed and ahhed some more. I was feeling a bit better though. I certainly wasn't as dizzy. Maybe I should attempt going on the ride?

I decided I would. Hands seemed really pleased and said we should go in the special queue to sit at the front. Oh yeah great. So not only might I have some weird reaction, but this way everyone would see it. Nervous is not the word. 'Shit-scared' could have been though.

Guess what?

I went on it. We sat in the front. And it was great! I was buzzing when we got off. I'd done it! Hurrah!

After that I was unstoppable. I went on at least...oooh...three more rides! Rapunzel was back!

From then on the day started improving no end.

Then things got even better...

Hands suggested we get some ice-cream. (No that's not the bit I'm referring to...) We sat down in the sunshine overlooking the lake. (Nor that...) My phone beeped - I had reception! (It may surprise you, but no that's also not the bit I mean...) As I read my text message Hands told me to get a move on because (and I quote)...

'We haven't had our first kiss yet and I really want to do it now.' (Yes! This is the bit I meant!)

So there and then we had our first kiss to the soundtrack of chart music, excited squeals of people on the rides and someone shouting that we should get a room. (Turned out that advice wasn't actually for us. Don't get me wrong, it was a pretty passionate embrace but we weren't rolling around the grass like the other couple were.)

As first kisses go, it was great. As was our second...and our third...and our fourth...

The rest of the day was amazing. The little blip at the beginning all forgotten. All too soon though, the park closed, we made our way to Manchester chatting non-stop in the car and then Hands dropped me off at the Tower.

I'd barely been home twenty minutes, and was still feeling giddy after my amazing date, when my phone rang...

It was Hands. He was supposed to be going for dinner with his friends but we'd been chatting so much he hadn't noticed the text messages cancelling it. Therefore, he wondered whether I wanted to go back out to play and he'd take me for dinner.

I had my phone up to one ear and the Goddess shouting the The Rules at me in the other. Which was especially weird as she wasn't even there. The fact that she wasn't meant that I could do what I wanted though. I just couldn't decide what that was.

Should I decline and say I was busy and leave him wanting more like The Rules would instruct? Or should I think of it as just an extension to the date and get my short ass back out there? It was a real dilemma...


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What would you have done? What do you think I should have done? (Just so I know next time I'm on Oprah!) What do you think I did do? I'll tell you in the next few days whether you are right....

35 Tales of a Real Life Romance - Chapter 9

The story so far... I met a lovely boy called Hands. He asked me out. I said yes. He then fannyed around arranging the date. I almost didn't go on the date. I did go on it though and it was great. He asked me on another date. He fannyed around some more. This time I didn't go on the date. He then asked me on an extra-special date. This chapter is about that date. (There is slightly more to it than that so please read from Chapter 1 if you haven't already.)


So six weeks after first going out with Hands, I was about to go on date number two. There had been reasons for the large gap between rendezvous. Mainly cause I'd been working abroad and then Hands had been on a course with work, (advanced hand modelling I presume?) but it was partly down to his dithering straight after our first date. This was all forgiven and forgotten though, because he'd suggested a trip to the theme park Alton Towers for our second meeting. Heck, he'd even taken a day off work.

I knew it had been an inspired idea on his part but just to double check I told everyone I came into contact with about the venue for date two. 'Ooooh that's a great place to go on a date!' is what everyone said. It was official. The boy had done good.

I was ultra excited about the day, except for one thing. I didn't know what to wear. Or to be more specific. I didn't know what to wear on my feet.

It was lovely weather so I'd thought about donning flip-flops, which would go well with the rest of my summery outfit (please remember this date is in the past. I'm not contemplating wearing attire like this in February!) Plus as I normally only wear flip-flops in the sunshine, on holiday or after a pedicure, I associate them with nice things and having a good time. Perfect therefore for my Alton Towers date. Except for one thing. They are flat. And Hands is a big boy.

I mentioned my dilemma to my Bro.

'What height is he?'

'Erm just a wee bit over six foot five...'

'What?! For God sake Sis you can't go out with him!'

'Why not?'

'Cause you're a short ass! Imagine if you ever got married...you'd look like the Krankies in your wedding photos!'

Now I know that it is part of a brothers' job to make you feel crap. No matter how old you both are, he is still required to take the piss. And as insults go, suggesting that Hands and I would resemble a comedy duo made up of a married couple in their 60's, the female of which that dresses up as a school boy, is not one of the worst he's thrown at me. It struck a nerve though. What if we did look ridiculous together? What if Hands hadn't realised I was short and it would only become obvious when people were pointing and laughing at us as we wandering around the park. Even worse, what if without my heels I was too short to get on some of the rides.

I was getting myself a bit worked up so did what any normal person would do in the same situation. I googled images of couples with a big height difference.

Hey presto! After bypassing pics of Sophie Dahl and Jamie Cullum, and Tom Cruise and anyone, I found the sort of thing I was looking for. Hello Dannii Minogue and Kris Smith!

Turns out there is the same amount of inches between them, as there is between me and Hands. And they look fine don't they? I decided we could be the Manchester equivalent. Albeit a less attractive version. I felt much happier. Fan-dabi-dozi!

Date day dawned and Hands picked me up bright and early. I was glad to see that my taste in men hadn't changed in six weeks - I still fancied the arse off him.

We drove towards Alton Towers and the conversation flowed surprisingly well considering we hadn't seen each other for such a long time and actually didn't know each other very well in the first place.

Then something happened...

I started feeling dizzy.

Bugger.

In all the excitement of the 'Oooh what a great place to go on a date,' I'd forgotten that I was waiting for an operation on my sinuses. And that while waiting for this op I was occasionally suffering with symptoms such as dizziness, headaches, face ache, nausea, near black outs etc, etc, etc.

Unfairly it seemed that I was having one of these occasional symptoms then. While on my way to a theme park. A theme park with rides. Probably the worst place I could actually go in my condition.

I felt pretty bloody stupid.

I held off telling Hands but as things hadn't improved as we queued to get in, and I was actually feeling worse, I came clean.

Bless him, he was lovely about it. He was quite hopeful that I'd feel better as the day went on, and for that reason, and also for the fact that he'd bought the tickets weeks before, he reckoned that we should still go in anyway.

So we did. We wandered around for a bit. Enjoying the relative quiet at first and then the almost palpable buzz in the air as the park started filling up. Hands said it was time we started going on some rides.

And so he took me to the ride called Rita. Bloody Rita. Rita with her big list of medical complaints at the entrance and accompanying instructions not to ride Rita if you suffer from any of them. At that time I had most of them.

I just couldn't do it. I suggested Hands ride Rita without me and maybe I'd do the next one. He gave me his stuff to hold, kissed me and off he went.

Brilliant. Not only had I become the 'mum' that looks after all the possessions while the kids go off to play, but I also felt shit. And I was concerned that Hands was going to get the wrong impression about me and think that I was a big, moaning, hypochondriac, fun vacuum that was just going to suck all the fun out of the day.

I felt very sorry for myself. I took out my phone to call a friend to make me feel better.

I had no reception.

I felt even sorrier for myself.