Friday 7 January 2011

36 Tales of a Real Life Romance - Chapter 1

Picture the scene...

I'm out with a friend in a bar, and a gorgeous guy, with the kind of body I'd like to treat myself to, comes over to chat and asks me for my number.

You think I'd be happy wouldn't you? Well I wasn't.

It's not that I'm weird. I was happy the first time it happened, very happy in fact. But second time, I took it all with a big, fat, pinch of salt.

Confused? Let me rewind...

Nearly a year previously, I'd been out with my friend Lu (Little Un) in a bar (deja vu?) having a lovely time. We were having the usual girlie chats about shopping and periods and what kind of men we find attractive. I was just describing my type when in walked a group of guys, and amongst them was a guy that was a perfect example! I pointed him out to my friend. Like an adult version of Show and Tell.

A short while later, the group had moved closer and closer to where Lu and I were sitting and I ended up chatting to Mr Just-My-Type. He told me that he was a hand model for QVC.

Liar! He did have the biggest hands I've ever seen, but I wouldn't say they were of modelling standards. Not without a decent manicure for a start.

It didn't matter though because he had unwittingly played one of my favourite games. I love the 'pretend you do a different job from what you actually do' game! Me and Taggart play it all the time when we are out. We've had all sorts of roles, from envelope makers (yes, we aim high!) to cheese holers (we claimed that it was our job to drill the holes into Swiss cheese.) And my personal favourite, was when Taggart had a group of girls convinced that she was the sole person responsible for naming streets all over the UK. God knows what they thought would happen if she was ever off sick.

So I was quite happy to let Mr JMT tell me all about his fake job and show me some of the poses he was required to do, while I giggled coquettishly.

All the fluttering eyelashes stuff worked a treat, cause as our respective groups started making plans to go to separate bars, he asked for my number. Woo hoo! He texted later to see if we wanted to join them again, but as we were already heading home I replied in the negative.

A few days later, having heard no more from him, I decided to text him...

Please don't groan! Yes, I've seen 'He's Just Not That Into You' and do know that if a guy likes you, he will text you. But what if he'd lost my number or something? Just to be on the safe side I texted something casual...

He replied straight away. Ha! In your face, successful book and film! Sometimes it is good for the girl to make the first move.

There were a couple more texts that evening. Him explaining he was on his way to a concert, and me telling him to have a good time.

And then nothing...absolutely nada. Well there was no way I was making the second move as well as the first, so that was the end of that. All forgotten about until...

Ten months later, I'm out again and who comes over to me , but Hands?

He says he's sure we've met before...

Yes we have. We met. You took my number. It didn't go anywhere.

Says he thinks we even texted one night...

Yep we did.

Says he thinks I stopped texting him...

What?! That's soooo not what happened Hands!

I didn't bother arguing with him and instead made polite conversation, cursing the fact that he was looking as fine as ever.

My friend and I finished our drinks and got up to leave to go to another bar. I said goodbye to Hands. As I walked away he called out my name...

'Just to warn you I will be getting in touch with you, and I'm going to be asking you out!'

I just smiled in a way that I hoped said 'Whatever'.

Of course from past experience I knew not to hold my breath, but I couldn't help hoping that this time he really would...


Lifebeginsat30ty said...

Ooh, I think someone just gave him a challenge ;)

I would like to hear more please *bats lashes*

whydidn'tshefancyme said...

Oh I love the "pretend you do a different job" game as well. My past favourites have been a dolphin trainer & also a researcher for Trinny & Susannah on What Not to Wear.

Looking forward to the next post on this story.

Betty B said...

you know what they say about big hands...

Anonymous said...

Big Gloves!!

Bamberio said...

I always tell blokes I have a different job to my mind-numbingly boring real one. Usually I'm either a rollercoaster designer or eskimo relocation officer. Works a treat. :-)

Toni said...

My previous doctor had the biggest hands I have ever seen on a woman, kind of daunting when you had to do the old cough and drop.

fee said...

i think someone who doesnt text you back needs their head read let alone their big palms!

Love Cat said...

Can I get a 'witty'? Can I get a 'woo'? Can I get a witty woo?


Glen said...

I was once an adviser for The Hard Rock Cafe - I don't know where that came from exactly but it got me a snog and you can't argue with that!

Anonymous said...

I used to say that I was Bond, James one really believed me.. Strangely enough ...Lol

Taggart said...

Awww memories! I'm off out tonight! Wonder what job I can come up with tonight!? Nothing has ever topped the street naming job, too funny xx

Taggart said...

p.s fab post, looking forward to chapter 2 ......... xx

Plentymorefishoutofwater said...

A really great post, that. You're writing is superb.
Check out my dating disasters:
*Plentymorefishoutofwater - One Man's Dating Diary*

Happy Frog and I said...

Really enjoyed this post, particularly the idea of pretending my job was naming every street in the country, what a great job!

I hope he doesn't call, you can do better than him.

Unknown said...

Haha! Loved the street-namer job! Fun post and what a silly man Hands is, quite obviously barmy!

Looking forward to the next instalment.

P said...

I can't believe I never thought to pretend to do something else for a living other than what I do. Especially when saying "I work for an accountancy body" is one of the most boring things I could possibly say in response to the question what do I do.

I DID however, once lie about my name. I told some guy chatting me up my name was Cleopatra (Cleo for short) and when he doubted me, my friend Mich backed me up and told him I was part Egyptian. He seemed to believe me then, but he DID get chucked out the pub later for taking drugs in the toilet so he probably wasn't the best judge of a liar anyway!

ABIGAIL NY said...

Lovely post and what @bettyb said was funny.

Ca88andra said...

I love it when guys pretend and lie and never text you back... no really I do! lol Actually its been so many years since I gave someone my number I'm surprised I even remember guys pretending and lying and not texting...

Dater at Large said...

Maybe this is why I'm not successful at being picked up... I'm not making up fake & exciting stuff! Excellent tip :) said...

You've got me glued to my computer screen already, my friend. I love the "cheese holer" job. That's hilarious. Can't wait for more.

jo said...

maybe he just might this time...

ohh that game sounds fun. i should try it. said...

It is a most intriguing tale of romance in the real world. I do love the sound of it and all the more exciting.

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Big Gloves!! |

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