Friday 21 January 2011

60 Tales of a Real Life Romance - Chapter 6

If the writers of The Rules had seen me on my date with Hands, they would have been appalled at how woefully unprepared I was.

There were certain things that I was supposed to do prior to the event, like 'have a bubble bath,' read The Rules and 'nourish' my soul with 'positive slogans like, "I'm a beautiful woman. I am enough."'

As I wasn't even sure I was meeting Hands until the last minute, I'd done none of the above. I suppose I could have tried to redeem things by sticking to The Rules for the actual date.

I could have made no attempt to get my purse out and let him pay for everything (and continue like that for another two dates!). I could have made sure that I 'sip-never-slurp' my drink. I wouldn't have told any 'sarcastic jokes.' I would never have started conversations and only talked about what he wanted to talk about. I would have made sure that my 'gestures were soft and feminine' and I would definitely have followed the most important rule - 'when your hair falls in front of your face, you tilt your head back and comb back your hair with your hand from the top of your head in a slow, sweeping motion.' (I bet that a few of you are trying this one! I did after I typed it. If only to try and work out what on earth they are going on about!)

Yes, these are the real rules from The Rules, and I should have been following them if I wanted things to go well with Hands, but unfortunately (fortunately?) I just couldn't remember them so I decided to do something controversial and just be myself.

And whaddya know? Hands seemed to like the real Rapunzel!

We had a great time. We went to a bar near mine, Dukes 92 (for those who know Manchester and would like to properly picture the scene). Chat came easily and we found out lots about each other. I discovered he was...

35 - a year older than me. Tick!

Had a good job that he loved, where he managed loads of people. Tick! (Though was slightly concerned that he might be more of an adult than I am...)

Had never wed or bred. Tick! Tick!

Gets on well with his family, including his twin sister. Tick! (Surely a guy with a female twin must have some understanding of women?)

Owns his own home. (Obviously this is a plus point but it's not on my must-have list. I'd have a cheek if it was, seeing as I rent my city pad.)

Loves travelling. Tick!

Funny. Big, massive, humongous tick!

I was really struggling not to enjoy the night despite that being what the Goddess and I had intended.

When Hands went to the toilet I sent her a text.

He is lovely!x

She replied immediately...

Ohhhh I'm so pleased!! Enjoy it! You deserve it! x

No mention of the fact we'd decided I was to have a crap time by way of punishment for his bad organisational skills. I silently thanked the Universe for bringing me such a good friend, and continued having a lovely evening with the Goddess's blessing.

A while later and Hands said he'd better think about going. Damn! I was meant to end the date. According to The Rules, I was supposed to glance at my watch 'after two hours and say "Gee, this was really great, but I've got a really big day tomorrow."'

Ah well. I'd broken most of their rules anyway so I decided that I was going to break another one. Yep, I was going to have a snog with him. (You must never, never, never kiss him on the first date.) I texted the Goddess and told her.

I want to kiss him! Think I will!x

She replied.... Ooh la la!x...which clearly meant she also thought it was a good idea.

I don't know whether it was the excitement about the passionate embrace that I was about to have, but as Hands walked me back to the Tower I felt like I couldn't walk properly. I was a bit lop-sided. I couldn't work it out. And obviously I couldn't discuss it with him. You just don't do you?

I remember a time when on another date I was having a drink, missed my mouth, and ended up with diet coke all over my white top. I didn't mention it to that guy either and instead kept my jacket on for the remainder of the date. Like someone that had just been let out for the day. (Does this explain a few things Kevin?!)

We arrived at the entrance to the Tower. I was feeling very flustered about my dodgy gait and praying that Hands hadn't noticed that I was walking as if I'd had a stroke. I was also gearing up for the kiss and the awkward moment about whether you will or not that always accompanies the end of a first date.

Except turns out that it wasn't awkward at all.

No. Hands just said, 'Right I'll be off then. See ya,' kissed me on the cheek and disappeared so quickly I doubted that he'd ever even been there.

Oh right then.

I entered the Tower lobby and checked my shoes to see if they'd caused me to walk funny. One of my heels had broken. Great.

Concierges asked me how the date had gone and said that they'd seen us on the security cameras. This was like when I was 14 and my dad came out to the garden to put something in the bin and caught me winching Billy Bolton at the front gate. Except that then there was actually something to see.

I said that to them and explained that I thought things had gone really well but the way he'd dashed off suggested he wasn't that keen.

As I got into bed a short while later my phone beeped...

Hey...thanks for a really nice night...x

Mmmm. I was really confused now....


Rapunzel said...

I just wanted to thank everyone for reading and for all your comments. I really appreciate it. I will be replying and checking out your blogs (provided that you have one of course!) but I've been a bit short of time and thought you'd rather I got the promised Chapter 6 up first?!

Speak soon x

Plentymorefishoutofwater said...

I knew it'd go well. I am enjoying the fact I don't actually know what happens with this series (whereas normally I know cos you tell me) - it makes guessing correctly even more satisfying. Loving the whole 'Rules' thing. Lots of mileage in it.
Check out my dating disasters:
*Plentymorefishoutofwater - One Man's Dating Diary*

Glen said...

ah - sounds good, seems to be some respect there - waiting for the epilogue now :-)

Kev D. said...

THANKS?!?! Well, that's... polite I guess. Sort of like "Gee you're swell" in a 1950's 'he really thinks you're keen' kind of way.

Also, I am not the Kevin you referred to... that I can remember.

Hyla said...


I wonder if the author of The Rules is married...hmmmmm?

Can't wait to read the next chapter! Maybe he was horny and wanted tone respectful so he left quickly b4 he had a chance to do anything disrespectful?

Bamberio said...

Damn you and your cliffhangers Rapunzel!

So you had a brilliant date, he scarpered then sent you a text like that. I'm confused too. Is he secretly gay?

Can't wait for the next instalment!

Betty B said...

Nah it’s not confusing, he just went with a rule of his own, not to kiss on a first date, that or was scared of an awkward farewell time.
PS those rules are hilarious and yes at my desk I did try the sweepy hand, who can pull that off exactly?!

Tuppence said...

I like the way this is going. It sounds very promising. Don't worry about the lack of kissing - I found it means that they're worth the wait! I got to date three with John with only a peck on the cheek and a hug, and I was worrying that he wasn't interested so I decided to kiss him instead (nothing ventured, nothing gained). That one has definitely turned out for the best, eight months and still going strong.


Lexicorro said...

Sounds good but clearly your advice should be "don't do what I say, do what guys I want to kiss do" :p

Lifebeginsat30ty said...

Hm, this Hands has got some mad skills then. Maybe chemistry beats neglected manners any day? I'm curious to see if you ever found out the real deal behind his actions? Of course I want to hear more :)

nuttycow said...


Just kidding - I bet he was just being a gent. We like gents.

Jonathan Veal said...

I think Hands sounds kind of cool and I envy his ability to play it with such a straight bat. Is that's what's keeping you interested? Needless to say I am a bloke.

Your blog and several others have inspired me to write my own. I expect it to be neither as entertaining or enlightening but feel free to have a read.

Anonymous said...

1. When were these rules written, 1875???!

2. I am so quick to assume that a guy must not have been keen if they didn't give me a good night kiss, but if he texted saying he had a good time then he surely must have. Do guys exist that have a "no kiss on the 1st date rule"?

Taggart said...

This if going from experience, no kiss, no second date. Anytime I've kissed on a first date they want to come back for more!

David Macaulay said...

sounds positive but he might want to get some insect repellant to deal with those pesky tics...

Aaron said...

Sounds like the date went well! The last text was a bit underwhelming though.

I like the sound of this dating rules book though... it's sounds hilarious. Is there a version for blokes?

Rapunzel said...

You just knew it would go well Fishy cause you know I'm great to go on a date with!

So you think we've turned a corner now Glen?!

You don't reckon that's a good sign KevD?! And no it was some other that had that misfortune of that date!

From what I've heard Hyla there are two writers of The Rules and one of them has got divorced! She says that's irrelevant though!!!

I was just as confused as you Bamberio. I mean was that a good text or a goodbye text?!

Have you mastered it yet Betty B?! You'll never be able to be a Rules girl until you do!!

Hi Tuppence! Nice to hear from you. Where are your posts updating us on your romance?!

Rapunzel x

Rapunzel said...

I'd advise Lexicorro to take any advice I give with a big pinch of salt!

You shall hear more Life Begins!

We do like gents Nutty Cow. But the question is, is that what he was being....?!

20-Somethinger It does seem like most of the guys are on Team Hands while the girls aren't convinced!

I don't know either First Date Project. Can any guys advise us?

I'm sure the same would be said for me too Taggart but I just didn't get the chance to test that theory!!

You'll have to read this week to see if it was positive David...

I'm not sure Aaron but if there is I doubt that it advises you say things like 'I am enough' in the mirror before dates!

Thanks as ever for reading and for taking the time to comment.

Rapunzel x

jo said...

first of all, these rules are hilarious! and yes, i did try the hair flippy thing after reading it and i'm sad to say that i have no idea how to pull that off successfully. maybe i actually need to grow my hair long. that's another one of those rules right?

Hands seems nice and polite. maybe still early days to tell what might happen. but it's still much better than him being creepy :P

Glen said...

yes - you have deff turned a corner...

There are only four known reasons for a man to not try and have sex with a woman on the first date.

1. They really like you and hope to impress you by not appearing to rush things. Hopefully you will feel respected.

2. The rash has not yet cleared up, but should be clear by the next date.

3. Their Mum or wife has told them they have to be home by 11, and they have run out of time.

4. They might not yet have accepted it - but they are in fact gay.

However there are somewhere in the region of four hundred thousand reasons why a man will try and have sex with you on the first date. Here are but a couple...

1. They really like you and hope to impress you by showing you how fast they are.

2. They didn't really like you, but have wasted a whole evening on this date and so would like to have something to show for it.

So I'd say if Hands does not live with his mum (or a wife), and didn't talk about Strictly Come Dancing on the date, then you need to ask yourself "Was the ONLY reason he didn't drink beer on the date because he was driving? If he did drink or if he didn't appear to be scratching a lot - then you are in!

Dater at Large said...

I would love to give The Rules a try myself, if only to fully occupy my mind with a list of Dos and Don'ts instead of having to figure it out on my own. A round of applause for a successful date (too much?)!

Amanda @ Wild Oats said...

Just stumbled across your blog - love it! And love this little series of posts! I keep debating reading "The Rules" but now that I've read this, I'm pretty sure that I won't be. I would fail immediately! said...

Sounds like he just got shy.
Can't wait for more.

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