80 Tales of a Real Life Romance - Chapter 16

Date number 3 with Hands was a resounding success. Agreed?

Date number 4 with Hands was definitely on the cards. Agreed?

Fraid not.

Don't panic though, the game wasn't over exactly. It was just that the croupier was going to have to hold off dealing the next hand, because I was having to go away and work again for a few weeks.

Before you feel sorry for me I should stress that I was going to film in the Canaries. It wasn't exactly a hardship. In fact I was dead excited about going. I was just slightly concerned about the timing with regards to my romance. It was still early days with me and Hands. Maybe he wouldn't wait for me?

Then I reminded myself that he'd hung around for six weeks between date one and date two. And lots had happened since then. We'd been on a rollercoaster together, eaten pizza together, laughed together, played tonsil hockey together... We were practically in a committed relationship.

There was absolutely no need for me to worry. All would be fine.

I was flying out on the Saturday morning so texted Hands asking if he was going to be in Manchester on the Friday evening (yes, my copy of The Rules was now shoved in a drawer somewhere.) He replied in the affirmative and asked if I was going to be out in town and whether I fancied a 'sneaky meet-up'. I explained that I wanted to be fresh for flying so wasn't going 'out out' but wondered if he fancied meeting for a drink before he saw his friends.

Seems not.

He called me and mumbled something about it not really being possible, and explained that it would have been different if I had plans to go out as we could have 'accidentally bumped into each other'.

I see.

He then added that it was probably for the best, cause he'd find it really difficult seeing me for only half an hour and then having to say goodbye.

Awwww.

Except 'awwww' is not the way I actually felt about what he'd said. You see it appears that I have something in my head that I can only describe as being like a translation app. Put a sentence in and get the real meaning out. (I just wish I'd had it years ago because I'm sure I would have got a better mark in my French oral.) So those may have been the words going in, but in my mind what Hands was actually saying was 'You're alright Rapunzel but I wouldn't want to sacrifice any of boys' night to see you. Hell no! I don't like you that much.'

Needless to say I didn't feel very smashing when I got off the phone. In fact gutted would be a more apt description. What could I do though? Knowing how hyper-sensitive I can be, plus anyone that has ever used Babelfish will know that translation tools don't always give accurate results, I decided to get some other opinions on what he'd said.

Immediately I felt better. I was taking control. Plus I love surveys! Only this week I heard on the radio that it has been discovered that men like receiving flowers. The reason they know this is that they compared the happiness level of men without pansies etc, to those with them. There was a blooming big difference.

This survey was going to be as useful as that one. Probably even moreso. For me anyway.

Respondent 1

I first spoke to my Bro in order to get the male perspective. He wasn't so bothered about analysing whether Hands was keen on me or not, he was more concerned with the fact that Hands didn't seem to have a back-bone when it came to his friends and couldn't tell them he was going to meet me and would only see me if he could make out it was an 'accident' (This also brings up the question about the intelligence of his friends if they would find that believable!)

Verdict: Hands is a wet lettuce


Respondent 2

I asked my friend 'England' what she thought. She was outraged. At me. She said that she didn't know what the heck I was going on about and it wasn't like I was his girlfriend and he therefore wasn't required to have to see me before I went away. I meekly said that I knew that but I wanted him to want to see me. And I'd want him to feel like that even if he was my boyfriend. She was having none of it. We agreed to disagree. Before we ended up wrestling or something.

Verdict: Rapunzel is high maintenance, demanding and needs to have a word with herself.


Respondent 3

Asked my friend Scarlet what she thought. She said I was right to be concerned and it didn't seem like Hands was very interested in me.

Verdict: Nobody loves Rapunzel.


Ok, ok I may have slightly skewed the questions when talking to Scarlet and told her how much it had bothered me, and she just did like a good friend does, and said she understood.

All the time and money (well all those free minutes I'd used up calling the respondents) I'd put into my survey and I was none the wiser. Was it the end of the road for the Rapunzel and Hands romance? Or was I just worrying about nothing? And was it true that guys really like receiving flowers? I had no idea...

32 The One Where All This Happened...

If my life in 2010 was a sitcom, the episode guide would look something a bit like this...

Ep 1: The one with the date with a blogger.

Rapunzel makes the brave (foolhardy?) decision to go on a date with the infamous Fishy. For some unknown reason she suggests they fly to another country for the day. The nation waits with baited breath to read Rapunzel and Fishy's versions of how they got along...


Ep 2: The one with the Blogger's Night Out.

Rapunzel goes on another blind date with bloggers. This time with four other girls. Despite what you may imagine, a typical BNO does not involve everyone taking out their laptops. Instead, the girls go for dinner and cocktails and much fun is had by all. Normally what happens on a night out, stays on a night out, but the usual rules do not apply when going out with bloggers who write about everything. Rapunzel forgets about this fact amongst all the merriment and ends up doing something silly...


Ep 3: The one where Rapunzel's blog is on a shortlist.

Fellow blogger Tuppence nominates Rapunzel as one of Manchester's best personal bloggers. Rapunzel is delighted, especially when she is shortlisted in the top 5. She doesn't win but doesn't mind cause everyone knows that it is the taking part that counts. Plus she hadn't been blogging very much...


Ep 4: The one where Rapunzel stops blogging.

We see Rapunzel doing her favourite job - filming hotels for the internet - in seven different countries, including Benidorm, Gran Canaria and Tenerife. She has many tales to tell but is so busy styling bathrooms (spare toilet rolls just look so tacky), chatting to managers and persuading tourists to be filmed in their beachwear, that she doesn't get the chance to recount these stories. And any spare time that she does get, is spent on the beach rather than in internet cafes writing posts.


Ep 5: The one where Rapunzel gets older.

Rapunzel celebrates turning 34. She is working in Portugal which coincidentally is also what she was doing on her 19th birthday. See a flashback as she compares her current situation to the way things were back then...

Work
1995 - waitressing in an Indian restaurant.
2010 - assistant producer doing a job she loves. (winner!)

Home
1995 - paid an equivalent of £5 a night to stay in an apartment that rarely even had running water.
2010 - paying a lot more than £5 a night to stay in an apartment with floor-to-ceiling windows overlooking Manchester's city centre in the UK's tallest residential building. (winner and not just because of the constant water!)

Love
1995 - in the second year of a relationship with her first love who is at home waiting for his free-spirited girlfriend's return from working abroad for 3 months.
2010 - single and has been for donkeys. (hmmmm!)

In the end Rapunzel decides that is there no point comparing, and that at 34 she is actually the equivalent of two 17 year olds and what could be better than that?!


Ep 6: The one with the purple balloons.

Rapunzel once told Taggart that she'd love to come home to a room filled with balloons. Taggart remembered this and arranges for Rapunzel's new flatmate (The Goddess) to fill Rapunzel's bedroom with purple balloons as well as putting up birthday banners to surprise her when she gets back from Portugal. Just a perfect example of...


Ep 7: The one with the amazing friends.

Rapunzel has some tough times throughout the year but is supported by her fabulous friends. The afore-mentioned Taggart and The Goddess are towers of strength as is her friend England, Scarlet and not forgetting Lego who sends her a care package consisting of things like magazines and face masks as a pick-me-up at a particularly crap time. If good friends were money, Rapunzel would be rich.


Ep 8: The one where Rapunzel is a lesbian.

Or at least she is asked if she is. By her mum. In a text.


Ep 9: The one where Rapunzel goes to bootcamp.

Rapunzel finishes her abroad jobs and decides to start blogging again. She then gets a job filming on an army base where she spends the week staying in the Officer's Mess. 'Officer's Mess?' her friend says, 'That's even better than the Sergeant's Mess. How posh!'

And yes, it is posh if you class posh as somewhere with a single bed, no TV, no internet (bang goes the plans to return to blogging) and shared showers.

In this episode see Rapunzel wake up to the sound of 'Left, right, left right' outside her window. See her argue with one of the Majors for nicking her space in the shower queue. See her complain that 'It's just not right seeing your boss in your pyjamas!' after she sees her boss in his pyjamas. Then see when the fire alarm goes off at 3am and all the crew and Officers traipse outside to the cold and everyone sees each other in their nightwear!


Ep 10: The one with the embarrassing moment.

Flashback to Rapunzel's first day at bootcamp. She has started a week later than the rest of the team and is keen to make a good impression. They finish filming one of the soldiers and Rapunzel goes towards him to take off his radio mic. For some reason the soldier gets confused and seeems to think that Rapunzel is going to kiss him. She realises this, gets flustered and almost draws on his face with the pen she is brandishing. She lets him kiss her though so he's not embarrassed. He realises his mistake though when she reaches for his mic and of course gets embarrassed. Rapunzel does her best to act like it is normal to kiss people when you de-mic them to make him feel better. She prays no-one has noticed.

Seems her boss did. He pulls her aside after and asks 'What the hell was all that about?!' From then on jokes are made when Rapunzel is around soldiers, warning her to refrain from kissing them.


Ep 11: The one where Rapunzel sleepwalks.

Rapunzel gets up from her bed in the Officer's Mess and rushes to queue for the shower with her towel and shampoo. The shower is empty which is weird. She then discovers that it is only 1am and has only been in bed a couple of hours and is actually sleepwalking.

On hearing the story, Jeremy Kyle, the presenter of the programme Rapunzel is working on, informs her that isn't normal behaviour (some could argue that neither was the incident in episode 10). As someone that is known for having unusual people on his chat show, Rapunzel takes on board his thoughts and googles 'sleepwalking'.

It turns out that it isn't usual to have conversations in the middle of the night with people that aren't there. Nor is it normal when staying at your parents home to go into their room and ask your mum who the bugger is that she is in bed with (especially when you should really be able to recognise your own dad...) and then switch their light on and off repeatedly. Seems Jeremy had a point. Rapunzel just isn't quite sure what to do about finding a cure. She has other things distracting her anyway...


Ep 12: The one where Rapunzel meets a boy...

Rapunzel meets a boy. A boy she really likes...

Tune in this Friday for the first episode of the new 2011 series to find out what happens...