Wednesday 14 April 2010

20 Going Dutch

Have you ever experienced love at first sight?

I have. Well a definite 'Woo hoo look at you!' at first sight anyway. (Of course if I'd ended up married to said crush, then naturally the story would become a tale of how I just knew he was The One the moment I clapped eyes on him.)

Whatever you want to call it though, I definitely believed that I'd been destined to meet the guy in question.

For a start, I shouldn't have even been there that night.

I'd been spending a few days at the Edinburgh Festival with my cousin Paris (of course that's not her real name - we aren't that sort of a family. It'll teach her though, for putting her number in my phone under Ooh La La which was very embarrassing when she'd call me when I was in company and my phone would announce who was ringing. Anyway, I digress...) It was our last evening so we'd decided to make the most of it by seeing a show.

Unfortunately, Lady Luck wasn't on our side and everything we attempted to get tickets for had sold out. So after traipsing all over Edinburgh, we decided to rest our weary legs and sit and assess our options. In the nearest pub.

Paris ordered us drinks while I nipped to the loo. Still feeling exhausted, I opted for using the disabled toilet on the ground floor, as opposed to climbing the stairs up to the ladies. It was a decision that was to change my life forever, because when I came out, there he was...

Mr Lekker.

Mr Lekker from Holland (hence my use of a Dutch term). He called me over to where he was standing with two friends. So I went (proof that destiny was influencing me, as I'm not normally so obedient when it comes to men.)

I told him that I used to live in Holland (see? Definite destiny.) He asked me if I spoke the lingo.

I replied in the positive and added 'neuken in de keuken' as proof.

He laughed.

Whether that was because he thought I was funny, (it translates as 'sex in the kitchen' so works waaay better in Dutch than in English) or whether he was laughing at my pronunciation, I never found out. Regardless of why, it worked a treat because when I invited him and his friends to join us, he accepted!

And so began an amazing evening. When I asked Paris later, for her honest opinion of Mr Lekker she replied that as he'd spent the night attached to my face she'd never actually seen him.

Obviously she exaggerates. For a start I'm not a teenager anymore so wouldn't just abandon a friend to snog a boy, at least not without checking she was ok first (and fortunately for me, Mr Lekker's friends were great company so Paris was fine..!)

We were pretty obsessed with each other though. It was as if no-one else was in the room. We couldn't stop staring at each other and trying to find out as much as we could about one another.

I discovered that he was a comedian (funny - tick! Good with words - tick!) Single (tick!), older than me (tick!)

In fact the only box I couldn't check was for the fact he lived in Holland, while I lived miles away in Manchester. I decided it didn't matter too much though. I mean I used to live there, so had an affinity with all things Netherlands. It just felt very unfair that I hadn't met him then.

Love conquers all anyway doesn't it? So it would be difficult, but not impossible.

I realise now that it was a bit premature to be thinking along these lines, but I was seriously smitten. And the best bit was, he seemed to feel the same.

I bemoaned when we had to say our goodbyes. But when I received a text from him shortly after, saying that meeting me had made his trip, I felt sure that we were at the beginning of something and not the end.

Naturally I googled him at the first opportunity.

Turns out Mr Lekker was pretty famous. He was certainly more successful than he'd let on. This was an added bonus as it meant that there were a lot of clips of him doing stand-up on Youtube. Therefore even though we were separated by miles, I could still see him every day.

OK, I couldn't actually understand him, as contrary to what I said earlier in the post, I can't speak Dutch aside from talking about kitchen sex and muttering a few profanities. You'd think I'd be able to, what with being Scottish and having no problems saying guttural words like 'loch', but unfortunately there is a bit more to Dutch than that. I vowed to start learning though in order to speak to my new man.

Not that it really mattered, as Mr Lekker's English was so good. I was slightly apprehensive about our first phone call, not being face-to-face and unable to suss out body language, but there was no need. Even if there had been difficulties, his texts would have made up for it.

Ah yes, his texts. They were seriously unbelievable.

Obviously I think I'm not too bad with words and quite a good texter, but with him I'd met my match.

I mean what was I supposed to reply to the following..?

When I think of the two of us alone in a room together, I feel kind of feverish, in my head, my skin, my muscles...

Somehow,...Thanks!... just didn't seem to cut it.

Neither did...Funny, I was just saying the same about you earlier...

I thought I'd met my ideal man - funny, intelligent, good-looking and someone that gives good text.

That's until the morning my phone beeped with a message that changed everything...


Plentymorefishoutofwater said...

For the first three pars I was certain you were talking about me. Oh well, I still enjoyed this post, particularly the 'i was just thinking the same thing' line x

Keren David said...

You can't leave it there! Talk about a cliffhanger...

Diary of Why said...

Don't leave us hanging!

Jo said...

Ooh such suspense! Jo x

Anonymous said...

You & your cliffhangers! Ya killin me.
And no Fishy, not everything is about you ;)

Dutch Sugar Babe said...

To be continued???? You big tease!

Neuken in de keuken.
Sigh.. I feel right at home now :)

Thank you for your thoughtful comment on my last blog post. I really appreciate it.

Tuppence said...

Woo-hoo, another fix of Rapunzel's blog brilliance! Now then missus, don't you dare keep this eejit in suspense waiting for part two for days and weeks or there will be trouble...

Ten days and counting until the bloggers night out...


Plentymorefishoutofwater said...

Did someone mention a bloggers' night out? HINT HINT x

Sarah said...

what a cliffhanger! I hope the next text was not from Mr.Lekker's wife. sigh.

Kate said...

Agh! Don't keep us hanging off the cliff for long Rapunzel!

Neuken in de keuken - I will remember that!

Kate x

upsidedowngirl said...

Argh, I hate cliff hangers!! Can't wait til the next one xx

Anonymous said...

What happened? WHAT HAPPENED?!

Anonymous said...

Was that ur alarm AGAIN...

pserean said...

lemme guess:
my pragtige liefie, rapunzel...

speaking to you has cleared up so many doubts ive been having.all our chats about life really- changed me. thats what you do- you change me for the better.
now i Know what I have to do- all thanks to you, skattie!
please keep me in your prayers. my sex op is scheduled for 12....


i hate this not knowing.

jo said...

and now i know some dutch. not sure how useful that will come in though but you never know :P and don't keep us hanging on like that!

Rapunzel said...

Oh how deluded you are Fishy! You tell him Zizatella!

Dutch Donut Girl you really shouldn't be telling us how much at home 'neuken in de keuken' makes you feel!

Jo and Kate you would be very surprised how often that phrase comes in handy-use it wisely!

Loved your comment Pserean! It wasn't quite as interesting as that unfortunately. Maybe I should write an alternative?!

And apologies Tuppence and all the rest, firstly for the cliffhanger and then for taking so long for the next part - it wasn't my intention honestly!

Anyway it's up now and all is revealed...Rapunzel x

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