16 Mr Not-So-Hot-To-Trot

I haven't updated my blog in a while, because I've been far too busy in a bubble of love with Mr Hot-to-Trot.

Come on! You don't seriously believe that do you?

Don't you know me at all? For a start if there was anything to report, I would have told you first.

It didn't actually go very well at all. In fact 'go' is probably over-stating things a bit...

You agreed in your masses (at least two of you anyway) that I could ignore my own pre-date rule, so I accepted Mr Hot-to-Trot's invitation to go for a bratwurst and a gluhwein at the Christmas markets.

He said he couldn't do the next few days but that we should arrange something for the following week and sent me his number to contact him to arrange it.

I don't think so Mr Hot-to-Trot.

I'm not that keen on having the ball in my court. Not in that situation anyway. I emailed him right back with my number. Ha! That showed him!

He then texted me. Keen. Good.

I texted back. Ball back over to him...

Next day...another text. Asking me how my day was. I said it was great or something. Think in actual fact it was pretty shit but you can't say that to someone you don't know. Best they don't find out you are a real person that has bad days until at least date two.

A few more texts.

Fair enough but this wasn't going as planned. What had happened to our date? Why had we become text buddies instead? I wasn't even enjoying it that much. Call me weird but I prefer to text people I've met.

Then it got worse. He texted me on a Saturday. At night. Asked if I was out.

What on earth was I supposed to say to that?

Of course I wasn't out. I was watching X-Factor. And more to the point, I was enjoying it. I couldn't tell him that though could I? What impression does that send out? Should I lie and say I was out? What if he then said he was also out and that we should meet up?

What a dilemma.

In then end I sent one saying something about having gone out most school nights that week and I was having a quiet one, but if he was out to have a drink for me.

Good answer. I thought.

He obviously didn't think so. No reply for ages. Damn. Why didn't I lie?

Then...Have just made a cup of tea and am settling down to watch Match of the Day.

Hurrah! He's as sad as me! (Actually I'd say sadder, but I suppose that's debatable.)

A few more texts over the next few days.

Eventually he sends one about meeting up. Finally! Didn't he realise I had people wanting to hear about a real life date, not about texts between two strangers.

He suggests a night. I can't do it. I suggest a night. He can't do it.

Oh for god sake.

Then next day he texts to say he can actually do the night I suggested...

Great! Except I had no battery and didn't get the text till hours later...

I reply eventually and tell him I can still do it. Ask if he can.

No reply...

No reply for a bit longer...

No reply for a couple of days...

What the hell?!

Why would you ask someone out and then change your mind a few hours later?

It isn't even as if this is a one-off situation. Oh no. It's happened loads.

A girl can get a complex. I mean I'm not quite at the 'nobody likes me, everybody hates me, think I'll go and eat worms' stage...but close to it.

Send him a text..A simple 'no', would have sufficed. Where are your manners?

And that is how our 'relationship' ended.

With him probably thinking 'she's a stroppy madam, thank god I didn't go on a date with her.'

And me thinking 'what possessed me to agree to go an date with a man whose profile picture showed him wearing a cardigan on a night out anyway?' (Oh it wasn't the cardigan I objected to. It's the fact it was pink. And he wasn't wearing anything underneath it. Poser.)

So if you have any advice for a girl failing miserably at online dating, let me know, and in the meantime I'll consult my copy of 'If I'm So Wonderful, Why Am I Still Single'* and see what that suggests.

Or I might just eat worms...


*Every good home should have a copy of this. Next to the Ikea catalogue.