Sunday 14 February 2010

25 Gobbledygook

According to newspapers, there is a school in England that has banned pupils from sending Valentine cards, as they don't think children are 'emotionally mature' enough to cope with romance.

One of my former classmates may very well have wished that particular rule was in place when we were at school.

Little Bobby Walker. The object of my affection when I was the grand old age of 11.

He wore a really nice anorak and was good at playing football so I decided I was going to ask him to be my boyfriend. Not only that, but I was going to do something quite unheard of. Instead of sending a friend on my behalf, to tell Bobby that I fancied him, I decided to cut out the middle man and speak to him myself. Face to face. Man to man.

This was my first mistake. The second was telling my friends about my plan. Word got around, so it meant that when the bell rang at the end of the day, quite a crowd had gathered at the school gate. Standing in the centre of the group was Bobby Walker.

'I hear you have something to ask me. What is it?'

My third mistake was forgetting that boys mature slower than girls. I paid no heed to the fact that Bobby was surrounded by his friends and would want to impress them. I stupidly went ahead and asked him loudly and clearly if he would be mine.

'No. Eff off.'

He actually said the proper profanity, I just can't bring myself to type it. I can still distinctly remember how I felt standing in front of everyone with my cheeks smarting while his grubby friends laughed.

What I don't remember is what I did after. That is until a few months ago when my older cousin gave me a load of letters I'd written to her as a wee lassie growing up in Scotland.

One particular letter mentioned that I'd sent a Valentine's card to Bobby Walker.

It all suddenly came back to me. Don't worry it wasn't a mushy one. Obviously he didn't deserve that. No, I remembered that what I'd done was made him a card with the inscription 'You and your mouth are fowl' and being the clever girl I was, I'd drawn a picture of a hen to accompany my words. I know, I know, witty eh?!

I'm just glad that this memory came back to me because I hadn't explained all this in my letter. In actual fact I could have been really concerned about the young me, because all I had written to my cousin, in my big childish scrawl was...

'Did you send any Valentine cards this year? I did. I sent one to Bobby Walker. I drew a cock on it.'

Ah, the innocence of youth.

The card clearly worked a treat because it was no time at all before Bobby said he'd changed his mind and wanted me to be his girlfriend. Or rather he got his twin brother Billy to tell me that. I just wish I could have seen his face when Billy went back and told him that I'd also changed my mind and now liked him instead and we'd become a couple...


Lifebeginsat30ty said...

Ahahahaha! That is fabu! Go girlfriend. I never in a million years would have had the courage to ask anyone out at the age of 11.

My only triumph was in high school someone kept stealing my lunch out of my locker. So I made a cat food sandwich, mustard and all. Then told the whole school I did it. Revenge was mine when the whole school watched our lunch-stealer devour Meow's Delight ;)

Lifestyle Lookbook said...

Woah, talk about a clever 11 year old! Love the fowl card, but the cock call was even better!

Plentymorefishoutofwater said...

This made me laugh out loud several times. Your posts keep getting funnier. The cock reference is totally in character too. How long did you stay with the twin btw?

Anonymous said...

I love a pun. I mean really love.

Unknown said...

Too funny!

I learned from a gentleman from Finland yesterday that Valentine's Day in his country is called "Friends Day", to include all of those who may not have a significant other and might otherwise feel left out. (Or maybe they are just protecting those not 'emotionally mature' enough to cope with romance!)

Great post - it reminded me of my own playground faux pas. Ah youth!


Kate said...

Hahahaha! I gave him a card with a cock on it. Your 11 year old self was brilliant!

Kate x

jo said...

i love this. how you bravely told him in front of everyone else that you fancied him. how you wrote him a card with that brilliant inscription. and of 'coz the drawing of the cock hahaha! and how paid him back by coupling up with his twin!

Dater at Large said...

Well played, 11-year old Rapunzel, well played. I see no mistakes in the awesomeness of that Valentine's Day!

Bird on a Wire said...

Hilarious! Sometimes, even at 11, boys need to know that they're cocks!



All Women Stalker said...

Hahaha this is the best Valentine's Day post :D

Tuppence said...

A very good post - thanks for cheering me up Rapunzel!

I've got something for you here...


Rapunzel said...

Loved, loved, loved your revenge story Life Begins!

Thanks You Make My Date, Kate, Jo, Dater at Large, Bird and All Women! And I want to take this opportunity to tell the person that asked that yes, I know that the pic I chose isn't of a cock!!

I'm not sure Fishy. Probably not long. It was a guy every week then. Wish it was the case now...!

Pun cheapskate? Don't know what you mean!

Isn't that a nice idea Gabby?

Thanks Tuppence! I'll look forward to meeting in person to pick it up!

Rapunzel x

Kate said...

PS: I've just given you an award. x

Anonymous said...

Had me laughing, loved the kiss off at the end.


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zara said...

Woah, talk about a clever 11 year old! Love the fowl card, but the cock call was even better!auditmyhometoday |

Unknown said...

i love this. how you bravely told him in front of everyone else that you fancied him. how you wrote him a card with that brilliant inscription. and of 'coz the drawing of the cock hahaha! and how paid him back by coupling up with his twin!
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