Sunday 10 January 2010

29 Mr Trafford Centre

I wasn't going to tell you about my most recent date.

And the reason I wasn't going to tell you, is because I'm embarrassed about it.

And the reason I'm embarrassed about it, is because the venue for the date was the Trafford Centre.

To be honest, I wasn't entirely convinced that the guy in question was for me. Or rather, I wasn't convinced that I was the right girl for him. His online profile listed sports that he was into and they were all outdoorsy. Things like mountain biking, climbing, skiing and canoeing. Now I'm not saying that I'm against these things. I have in fact tried some of them, but at the moment I'm living in the middle of a city. My current hobbies are more things like drinking cocktails in Harvey Nics.

He seemed keen though, so I accepted his invitation to go on a date.

He texted me...I have the perfect idea for where we can have our first date..!

Oooh where?

The Trafford Centre. It's under cover. We can shop, eat and drink!

'Noooooooo!' I said out loud when I read it.

Now I'm really not a fussy madam. I can be as happy with a chippy tea as I am going to a posh restaurant, but the Trafford Centre....? It's a shopping centre! He was even suggesting we shop. Whoever shops on a first date?

I think what most concerned me was that he thought it was such a perfect idea. We were clearly on different wavelengths. I decided to make my excuses and not meet him.

I'd forgotten all about it until the other week when Mr Trafford Centre texted again suggesting we reschedule.

I don't know whether it was the fact it is a new year, or a new decade to be more precise, but I decided to go for it. I mean imagine if he was 'The One' and I'd dismissed him purely because of his venue suggestion? And actually I was starting to see his reasoning behind it. I told him he could dream on about the shopping bit but we could do the eating and drinking part there. And we'd be out of the rubbish weather. Maybe it was a really good suggestion? Maybe he's actually a genius?

I get there straight after work. He phones me when he arrives shortly after to ask where I am. I tell him what shop I'm in and suggests he meets me there.

'No I'm not coming there. Meet me outside Selfridges.'

'OK.' Demanding.

I get there. Look around. There is no-one that resembles his photo.

My phone rings. 'I can see you! Look behind you.'

I twirl around.

'No the other way. Can you see me? Ha ha, I can see you and you can't see me!'

'Where are you?' He was starting to piss me off. And I hadn't even met him. With hindsight, I wish I'd just walked off. That would have showed him.

'I'm coming towards you now. I'm that fat guy! Ha ha! Only joking!'

He appears in front of me, still on his mobile phone.

'Ha ha wasn't that hilarious?'

Yeah hilarious.

'You really thought I was the fat guy didn't you? Were you worried? Glad to see you aren't fat by the way. I've met up with a couple of girls from the site and both were fat and neither looked like their photos. I told one I had to buy a shirt and needed to go into that shop...'

'You met up with her here?'

'Yeah I always meet my dates here.'

'Not just here in the Trafford Centre, but here at this very spot?'



'Anyway she said she'd come with me, so I had to go pretend I needed to try the shirt on. Instead of going to the changing rooms I just went out the other door of the shop.Ha ha!'

'You just left her?' I said incredulously.

'Yes. The other one looked like her photo. If it was taken years ago that is! She'd put on a few pounds since then. I went to a bar with her and said I had to go to the toilet and instead I left. Ha ha!'

'Are you seriously telling me, a girl you are on a date with, about times you've abandoned other girls mid-date? Do you think that endears you to me?'

'You didn't see them. Anyway you look like your photo so you're OK, I won't do it to you.'


Now why at this point I didn't leave ('I just need to go to the toilet...') I've no idea. I'm clearly a sucker for punishment. And have better manners than him. No, instead I bit my tongue and began my Trafford Centre date...

To be continued (unfortunately)...


Wynn said...

Hot damn, yeah you were being all too kind to that douche. Seriously, bad taste. Of him I mean, if you are a douche at least you should try and conceal it.

Bird on a Wire said...

Poor you, I too have been in this situation where I have had the "but what ifs" going off in my head and have continued with the date even though my first impression is "arsehole"!! Take it from me listen to your gut instinct. If you think he's a arse at first, he probably is....

Keren David said...

Am in hysterics at the idea of anyone going for a date at the Trafford Centre. Is he a 13 year old girl?

Ally said...

You reminded me how happy I am to be out of the dating pool. I met my husband online but before I met him, I went on, no like 100 online dates. All were nut jobs and jerks.

Kate said...

This post made me laugh out loud.

Seriously, a date in a shopping centre? Is he 14? Haha! And I can't believe that he thought it was a good opening gambit to describe how he'd ditched girls there before. What a total arse!

I hope you gave him the slip in the soft furnishings section of John Lewis...

Jennie in London said...

I can't wait to read the next part- this is hilarious! I love how this guy thinks that the biggest flaw a person can have is to be overweight despite being a massive arse.

Bamberio said...

Oh my goodness.

I can't believe this smooth talking charmer is still single. Not only does he 'treat' you to a first date in a shopping centre, he lies in wait on the upper level to spy on you as you arrive, then tells you that he's not going to run off as thankfully for you, unlike the other girls he's met there "You're OK because you're not fat."

Damn. If only I was single. I'd love to go to the Trafford Centre and help him pick out a personalised b!tch slap from the Tosser shop.

What an arse.

Diary of Why said...

I'm pretty sure this guy has a brother in the States. Or maybe there's some kind of anti-finishing school for ass(arse?)holes, because I have definitely met guys like him before.

Kelly said...

Just so you know, I think we went out with the same guy! Crazy---he was an online date, we met for coffee (at a mall!!), and he told me about the "fat" girls he met and left mid-date by sneaking out of the bar, laughing the whole time. Like I was supposed to be impressed? Anyway, thanks for sharing. Maybe there is some guy advice book floating around advocating they do these kinda things. Grrr....

Kitty Moore said...

That was brilliant - hope you don't mind another follower!


Ca88andra said...

Wow! What an awful start to a first date. Can't wait to read the rest.

Dating Diva said...

I'm from the US so I have no idea what Trafford Centre is, but it sounds like the mall here. Yikes.

I had the same experience with a guy, though I never ended up going out with him because he told me in advance of all of the girls he left on dates because he thought they didn't look like their picture. I cannot believe guys are such idiots to tell the girl they want to date what an awful person they are! Oy!

Tuppence said...

Hi Rapunzel

Hmm, he sounds as much of a charmer as the guy who wanted me to guess how many women he'd had sex with in the last two years!

Thanks for the get well wishes by the way. I’m feeling pretty sorry for myself today, but I’m still a lucky bunny.

Now don't let twits like Mr Trafford Centre put you off online dating - there are some good ones out there you know, I managed to find one eventually. You just have to keep on sifting through the frogs before you find your prince. It will happen…and until it does just look on all the idiots you encounter as sources of material for your blog, book and movie!


birdykins said...

He sounds absolutely charming, I don't know what you're complaining about...

Haha I hope you ended up putting him in his place. Can't wait for the next installment.

Rapunzel said...

Loved, loved, loved your comments -thanks everyone!

Read about the actual date now if you dare...!

ps If anyone liked the sound of him, I'm happy to pass on his number...One arse available to go to a good home. Unlikely to have had any previous owners, careful or otherwise.

Rapunzel x

Plentymorefishoutofwater said...

This is my favourite post of yours so far Rapunzel...very funny and well written. The last line had me in stitches.

It's also provided me with proof that when girls say they like men with a GSOH and confidence, they're lying. How could you not find the phone gag funny? This guy is up there with Jeremy Beadle...

Oh, and I once went on a first date to a shopping centre. I was 18 and it was the girl's idea, though we did end up back at her house dry humping, so not all bad.

Anyway, I've started taking notes as I read your blog in case OUR date ever materialises. Where do you fancy, Cheshire Oaks? Meadowhall?

Lauren said...

Im new to your blog, by way of plentymorefishoutofwater (you should go out with him. He is hilarious). Anyways, this story is a crack up and I cant wait to read more!

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hanna said...

Poor you, I too have been in this situation where I have had the "but what ifs" going off in my head and have continued with the date even though my first impression is "arsehole"!! Take it from me listen to your gut instinct. If you think he's a arse at first, he probably is...ezy-auto |

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