Sunday 17 January 2010

48 Something Fishy

I really need to to have a little word with myself.

I've just been on one of the worst dates I've ever had. The only good thing about it, was that I gave you all a laugh when I vented about the arse that was Mr Trafford Centre.

Why on earth then, did I think it would be wise to agree to go on a date with fellow blogger Fishy ?

Oh yes, I'll still be able to write about the date. Difference is that this time, not only will I be blogging to you, but to him as well. How can that ever be a good thing?

And worse still, he'll be writing about me too.

I couldn't be like those celebrities that say they don't read their own press. They never buy newspapers or google themselves. I hate not knowing things and hate being the one in the dark.

An ex discovered that after 'accidentally' putting his tongue down the throat of a Julia Roberts lookalike. My female intuition sensed that he was acting differently and I made it my business to find out why. Of course when I did know, I wish I didn't. I couldn't watch Pretty Woman for months.

Fact is I won't be able to stop myself reading Fish's post about our date. Even if I sit on my hands.

I'm worried that he might describe terrible habits that I have, that I'm currently blissfully unaware of.

What if I end up not wanting to go on dates with me either?

There is also the small matter that we have been match-made by Bamberio. She is a regular reader of both our blogs but has never met me or Fishy. Is she really in the position to do a credible Cilla?

And to be quite honest, Fishy isn't even my type. And that's despite the spec for my ideal man being fairly concise...

Mr Ideal is tall.
Mr Ideal is funny.
Mr Ideal has no dependents. And that includes pets.

Now before you think I'm some animal and child-hating witch, I'm not at all. I'm just a spontaneous person and would like to be able to travel to Timbuktu with my significant other at a moment's notice.

It's not the same when they have to be back in time to feed the budgie.

I did have a different list recently. After one too many Ribenas I asked the concierges to find me a boyfriend. When they asked what I look for in a man, I only had two criteria.

He must be able to swim.
He must be able to drive.

I've no idea what that was all about either and as these things didn't seem so important in the cold light of day, I didn't bother adding them to my must haves. Surely Fishy can swim anyway?

He doesn't fare too well with the rest of the list though...

Short Fishy lives with his depressed cat Mildred.

He is absolutely hilarious though and I love a man that can make me laugh. Is it a case of one out of three ain't bad?

There are various other good things I've discovered about Fishy from reading his blog. Like

What I meant to say was there are various other things I've discovered about him.

Like that he has small nipples and doesn't like morris dancing.

He is a fan of Feargal Sharkey and sees no shame in dancing along to A Good Heart on dates.

He once had a job as a dinnerlady (not sure how that works? Is he a pre-op transsexual I wonder?)

He likes The Smiths, but doesn't like tuna. I'm the opposite - does that mean we are doomed?

He's been propositioned by his gay neighbour.

He wears socks with the days of the week on them.

His annual spend on haircuts is a mere £96, whereas I pay that in two visits.

He is appalling at flirting, yet thinks nothing of trying to pull the waitress while on a date with another girl.

He's definitely an interesting one is Fishy.

I can probably overlook all of those problems, except the last. My concierges are very protective over me. If they hear that he has flirted with another girl on our date, Fishy can dream on about ever being buzzed into my building, let alone being allowed up to see my view.


Dater at Large said...

I am anxiously awaiting this disastremendous date! Especially the he said she said postings.

And who knows, if you have good chemistry maybe it won't matter that he has small nipples? Good luck!

Ally said...

OK, that pic is so gross. Ha ha! I can't believe you're dating the famous fish guy.

Tales Of A Fourth Grade Nothing

Keren David said...

Seldom can a date have been so eagerly anticipated by so many people. My worry is Fish's legendary meanness - which doesn't seem to fit with your high-living style. But hoping you can work it out and dscover the hidden depths of his wallet and soul.

Kate said...

OOh I can't wait! When is it, when is it, when is it?


Kitty Moore said...

I think you have to go on the date just for the sake of your readers! We are all waiting with baited breath to read both sides of what I am sure will be a hilarious date!


Toni said...

Have you told the concierges that he is a scouser? Then, at least, they will know to check his pockets for silverware on the way out.

This date has all the makings of a classic northern rivalry; Ferguson verses Benitez, Cottonopolis versus slave trading, 24 hour party people versus the 51st State. At least you can concede on music. The Beatles versus Herman and the Hermits?

Is this going to be a gloves off date or will you lay some ground rules such as no commenting on the relative value of a six quid haircut?

Grgg said...

I can't WAIT for you guys to go out already! Seriously, this is the blogging event of the century!

One part of me wants you two to hit it off like never before, but the little devil in me wants EVERYTHING to go wrong so we'll get some juicy posts to read afterwards :o)

RenRexx said...

I agree. I'm awaiting catastrophe....... just because it always ends up like this on his end....

All Women Stalker said...

When are you guys going out? All this preliminary date posts are boosting my level of excitement. Oh yeah, have you added him on FB? :D

Bamberio said...

Don't go getting cold feet now Rapunzel! It's all going to be fine. I mean, Fishy has a weird fixation with women's periods and has allegedly has small nipples, but I don't think he's a serial killer or is likely to whisk you out on a date to Sheffield's Meadowhall. At least I hope not anyway....

A lorra, lorra love,
Cilla x

Anonymous said...

A train wreck in waiting. Can't wait.

Doog said...

I think you'll find he's 5'8, and that's average height for a man. He'd be tall in Japan.

Rapunzel said...

Doog - as Fishy used that line himself in one of his posts, I can only presume that he put you up to this?!

Plentymorefishoutofwater said...

Hey, leave me out of this! I can't help it if I've got an army of loyal, protective and frankly awesome fans...
Anyway, aside from the slurs, I enjoyed this post.

The Invisible Seductress said...

You guys love US soooooo much that you will do this and blog hilariously about it for us..That makes you both selfless wonderful people in my book!!!! And I for one can't wait. I have stopped all MY dating tragedies to follow this one!! WINK!!!HUG!!!

Gonezo said...

Can't wait to see the posts after the date!

Princess T said...

Hey love your blog! Good luck on your date ;-) - can't wait to read all about it.

Ambitious1 said...

lol ok this is hilarious....I'm a faithful reader of HIS blog (in which I've never posted a comment....isn't that weird?) but since he had links to this post in his latest blog, I thought I'd mosey on over and take a looksie...
I can't WAIT for yall to go out! It would be friggin funny as all hell if yall actually hit it off! I'm rooting for that!

So...what cha gonna wear? :-) Now I'll be following your blog- cause I need to see how this plays out! LOL

Rapunzel said...

Fishy - I'm not sure they can be classed as 'slurs' when they are all from your blog. That's what I'll argue in court anyway.

The rest of you - Thanks for all the comments. You are all awesome!

I'm actually looking forward to this now. I feel like Indiana Jones...!

Rapunzel x

Kelly said...

Now that both of you have pointed out the problems, I am left wondering if this will work. But then if it did, that wouldn't be quite so interesting to us readers, right? Or maybe not until you had a fight...
Well, I wish you both good luck, with each other or other people. Keep us posted.

Ca88andra said...

Opposites attract? Can't wait to read about it.

Kate said...

I am more excited over this date than I was over Christmas. It sounds like it will be briliant. By the way what are your feelings about small nipples out of interest?

Kate xx

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